Exams are over, it's the self-declared holidays now, i've had my hair cut, all is right with the world, right?
WRONG!
I dunno, but i feel like a bomb. Like one of the smallest things can set me off. And i'll explode. Bits and bits of little pieces flying off everywhere and hitting people in the face. It's amazing how shit you can feel even without a green bogey monster poking you with a snot-covered stick.
First of all, SPM is nearing. Now, that got me thinking. How can i keep up with the studies next year if i can't keep up with it this year? There are like, great, gaping craters of holes in my memory and knowledge, Sejarah and Moral being by far the biggest. And one of the worst things is, i don't do anything about it.
Sure, i can plan to study this and that, whatever. But i don't end up fulfilling any of those plans because i procrastinate. No preseverance. No inspiration. No tracks, no. I'm just sitting here on this here olde leaf, waiting for the wind to blow me somewhere. What if it blows me into a ditch, eh? What if it blows me into a crater? Do i want to end up rock-bottom? And no matter how much all of those scares me...it doesn't scare me enough to make me want to do something, to take control of my life.
I've been inspired, sure. I've been awed by people who can do what i want to do for a living. But after that spur of the moment, i'm back to being a sitting duck. A lotus eater. Enjoying the computer and idling my life away.
And i do not particularly like my hair. I have mixed feelings. It's different (it looks just like a helmet). I think it's kinda girly. I do not like girly. It doesn't suit me, i think. But i have to live with it, because i asked for it. I asked for something different.
Aside from all that pointless ranting you've just read (or glanced through without any particular interest, i wouldn't blame you), i'm going to be applying for a job. God knows whether i'll get one. But if i do manage to get one, i hope i don't screw it up. Maybe i'll manage to get some direction in my life at least.
First of all, SPM is nearing. Now, that got me thinking. How can i keep up with the studies next year if i can't keep up with it this year? There are like, great, gaping craters of holes in my memory and knowledge, Sejarah and Moral being by far the biggest. And one of the worst things is, i don't do anything about it.
Sure, i can plan to study this and that, whatever. But i don't end up fulfilling any of those plans because i procrastinate. No preseverance. No inspiration. No tracks, no. I'm just sitting here on this here olde leaf, waiting for the wind to blow me somewhere. What if it blows me into a ditch, eh? What if it blows me into a crater? Do i want to end up rock-bottom? And no matter how much all of those scares me...it doesn't scare me enough to make me want to do something, to take control of my life.
I've been inspired, sure. I've been awed by people who can do what i want to do for a living. But after that spur of the moment, i'm back to being a sitting duck. A lotus eater. Enjoying the computer and idling my life away.
And i do not particularly like my hair. I have mixed feelings. It's different (it looks just like a helmet). I think it's kinda girly. I do not like girly. It doesn't suit me, i think. But i have to live with it, because i asked for it. I asked for something different.
Aside from all that pointless ranting you've just read (or glanced through without any particular interest, i wouldn't blame you), i'm going to be applying for a job. God knows whether i'll get one. But if i do manage to get one, i hope i don't screw it up. Maybe i'll manage to get some direction in my life at least.
Cheerio.
Wenzes the Volcano
